Being a Rookie

Chess is a game that I love to play with my husband.  He is such an enviable strategist. When I first started playing with him, I felt like a complete fool every time he snookered my king and got me into check-mate.

When I let my pride take the back seat, I discovered a remarkable game that I could undeniably learn from whilst enjoying some quiet, reflective, quality time with my partner.

I found it a relaxing pursuit with red-hot moments of intensive brain-stretching — a great way to quantize your thinking.  It not only takes the grey matter for a stroll around the yard but also teaches you valuable lessons in forethought, planning, awareness and defense tactics.

Has Anyone Seen the Bishop?

I started to see more spiritual truths in chess the more we played; in fact it was beginning to be a remarkable representation of life!

It aroused me to apply these teaching to my own life situations and, if not why not, to other people’s life circumstances too.  A lot of people are already either inadvertently or deliberately playing chess with their situations and relationships.

It opened my eyes and taught me that there is usually either a way to slip out of trouble or to catch yourself and your opponent by surprise with your brilliant and calm maneuvering capabilities.

Be Your Own Knight in Shining Armor

Just when things start to look hopeless, you view your game from a different angle or perspective and you move to the side and allow danger to pass.  What a great allegory for life!

Here are some of the life strategies chess has permitted me to comprehend:

• Multi-layers — there is always more than meets the eye in any given situation.
• Patience — slow and steady wins the race.
• Side-Stepping — there is usually either an evasive move or a counter-action you can take when in the face of danger.  Don’t lose hope.
• Shifting Views — when things are looking dire for you, all you may need is a shift in perspective that can open up new doorways.
• Positive Outlook — always try to stay optimistic and you will habitually figure out a good move to make.
• Acknowledgments — congratulate your opponent on good moves — you can learn from them too.  Don’t let your pride get in the way of wisdom.
• Grace — be a good loser because you never really lose in life, you just start a new game and learn from the previous one. So hone in on your skills by learning from your mistakes — nothing is ever in vain.  Be a gracious winner too, there is no room for friends in your life if your big head is taking up all the space!
• Always Have Fun — enjoy the process, the game of chess (life) is exciting, invigorating and challenging — all of which keep you feeling alive, vibrant, polished and motivated.

Metaphors and Metamorphosis — from Pawns to Kings

I love painting life experience with intriguing metaphors and feel even more elated when such an analogy becomes a bald-faced truth.

When we can become the observers of life’s smaller things, like an innocent fixture of chess, and transform it into a fresh perspective of life, it changes us.  We start looking all over for these spiritual growth sign-posts and we usually find them in the strangest of places.

Chess is the ultimate sport of existence and even though I know the strategies have been used in more negative life experiences, such as war and devious corporate obliteration, it can also be used to your advantage in co-creating your reality.

Give yourself a game plan and be flexible enough to discern inherent dangers whilst on track, this way you will be able to metaphorically duck and dive bullets (just like Neo in The Matrix movie).  Be cunning and graceful and you will never be caught off guard.  When you are, don’t give up, learn from it and reload your experience as ammunition for the next round.

There is never failure, only feedback.

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Positively Positive

We all have weaknesses, and we tend to try to work on eliminating them - on changing ourselves in order to become better. But change is difficult- very difficult. What if instead of trying to eliminate our weaknesses, we embraced them for what they were?

Several months ago, my friend Ben Rosner, CEO of e-home and a fellow member of Entrepreneur's Organization, led an activity on weaknesses and strengths with my EO Forum group, based on the excellent Freak Factor manifesto by David Rendall. I found the activity to be so insightful and inspiring, I did the activity with my team at Likeable Local- and then with our team at Likeable Media. I thought I'd share it with you here as well:

Think about your biggest weaknesses at work and in life. What qualities are you most unhappy about? Of the following list of 16 typical weaknesses, look carefully and choose the three that resonate most with you:

1) Disorganized
2) Inflexible
3) Stubborn
4) Inconsistent
5) Obnoxious
6) Emotionless
7) Shy
8) Irresponsible
9) Boring
10) Unrealistic
11) Negative
12) Intimidating
13) Weak
14) Arrogant
15) Indecisive
16) Impatient

Got your three biggest weaknesses? Great. (Don't be too depressed, the rest of this activity is more fun). Next, look at the below list, find the same three weaknesses, and look at the traits to the right of each of your three biggest weaknesses:

1) Disorganized ---> Creative
2) Inflexible ---> Organized
3) Stubborn ---> Dedicated
4) Inconsistent ---> Flexible
5) Obnoxious ---> Enthusiastic
6) Emotionless ---> Calm
7) Shy ---> Reflective
8) Irresponsible ---> Adventurous
9) Boring ---> Responsible
10) Unrealistic ---> Positive
11) Negative ---> Realistic
12) Intimidating ---> Assertive
13) Weak ---> Humble
14) Arrogant ---> Self-Confident
15) Indecisive ---> Patient
16) Impatient ---> Passionate

The three qualities to the right of your three weaknesses are all strengths.

Hidden in your weaknesses are your strengths.

Every weakness has a corresponding strength.

The idea here is simple: Instead of trying to change your weaknesses, accept them. Don't try to fix them - it's too difficult. Instead, be sure to leverage your associated strengths. You can look to colleagues, direct reports, and even supervisors to fill in the gaps where you are weakest. Don't be afraid to ask people for help- they can add value where you are weaker. But be sure to embrace your strengths, and build upon them. After all, your strengths (even those disguised as weaknesses) - will get you far in your career, and in life.

-----

Now it's your turn. Did this activity resonate with you? Were the strengths corresponding with your weaknesses accurate? What are your greatest weaknesses - and strengths? What are the takeaways for you at work and in life? And here's to your secret strengths!

-----

Dave Kerpen is disorganized, unrealistic and impatient - which means he's creative, positive and passionate! For more information about this activity, be sure to check out the excellent book Freak Factor by David Rendall. For more on Dave Kerpen, check out the New York Times best seller Likeable Social Media and the Amazon #1 best seller Likeable Business.

In their words: Michelle McQuaid & The secret to ‘kick ass’ work relationships

By Kathy Graham / 25 March 2013 / 0 comments

As a natural introvert, relationships with other people – especially at work – have never come easy. Overly invested in my own anxieties about being ‘good enough’, finding the confidence to just walk up to people and expect them to like me is an attitude I’m still learning to pull off.

To be honest, most of my career I’ve been happy just to put my head down, get on with my work and hope what I do will eventually earn the respect and affection of others. That was until I came across some research suggesting rather than what we do, it’s who we do it with that predicts our levels of engagement and wellbeing at work. In fact, having a best friend at work can make you better at engaging customers, help you to produce higher quality work and it’s less likely you’ll be injured on the job.

“Our relationships with other people matter, and matter more than anything else in the world,” explains George Vaillant, a leading psychiatrist who is famous for overseeing on one of the longest running psychological studies of all time – the Harvard Grant Study which found social bonds don’t just predict overall happiness but also eventual career achievement, occupational success, and even income.

Convinced it was worth trying to shake up my introverted tendencies, I decided to test three different positive psychology techniques to see if I could improve my relationships at work:

Hunt for strengths
Your brain is hardwired to quickly notice the things you don’t like about people, making it a little slower at finding their strengths (the things they like doing and are good at). Yet because we all have a deep psychological need to be respected and appreciated, finding what you can genuinely value in people is a relationship skill we should be taught early on.

I put this one to the test with one of my most challenging colleagues and quickly realised her strength of “delivering on a plan no matter what”, was being regularly tried by my strength of “contributing creative ideas”. We were like oil and water!

The funny thing was once I was able to see and value her strength for what it bought to our business – rather than being personally affronted by her aversion to risk – the animosity soon drained from our relationship and we‘ve been able to get along much better.

The VIA Institute has a great free guide to character strengths you can use to help you spot what’s good in others.

Practice gratitude
Countless studies suggest this is a mega strategy to improve your levels of positivity and your relationships. It opens your heart and urges you to give back – to do something good in return – helping to nurture new relationships and improve existing ones.

I decided each night before I’d log off at work, I’d take the time to genuinely thank at least one person for something they’d done. Sometimes it was face-to-face, by phone or even email, but I was always specific about what they’d done and why I appreciated it.

In less than a month the most amazing thing started to happen. A tidal wave of gratitude started being returned to me. Emails of thanks and messages of appreciation were pouring in … many from people I hadn’t even reached out to yet! It changed the way I felt about my colleagues.

Try it before you log off each night for one week. Who would you thank and why?

Create connection rituals
Studies suggest people who have at least three or four very close friendships at work are healthier, have higher wellbeing and are more engaged in their jobs. One of the best ways to nurture our relationships at work is to create rituals which allow us to get together with people on a regular basis.

Sick of always telling people “we must catch up”, I decided to create a ritual to invite a colleague to lunch every Tuesday. Soon even my naturally extroverted husband was amazed at how these workplace friendships were spilling over into our personal lives.

Be it coffee, a lunch or a walk around the block, who would you like to connect more with at the office?

Like most of positive psychology none of these techniques are rocket science, but rather simple, practical habits that can improve the quality of our lives and our levels of happiness.

Michelle McQuaid is a positive psychology researcher, author and workplace trainer. She will be presenting a session and post conference workshop at Happiness & Its Causes in June.

The effect of praise on mindsets

By Kathy Graham / 25 October 2012 / 2 comments

If you’re a parent, you can be forgiven for thinking your child is brilliant. After all, that’s what mums and dads are supposed to think and it’s why they praise little Ethan or Ella to high heaven whenever they get something right, whether it’s solving a maths problem, playing a piece of music, or colouring within the lines.

But how many parents stop to consider whether the way they praise their kids actually helps or hinders them? If you’ve always thought that just to be praised at all is positive then you may be interested in learning what Professor Carol Dweck has to say on the subject.

Dweck, a presenter at next year’s Happiness & Its Causes conference – her session is Mindset: The new psychology of success – is an acclaimed psychologist and researcher in the field of motivation, who’s talking here about a very simple idea with profound implications.

According to Dweck, there are two different mindsets: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is the belief that intelligence is innate and can’t be changed. A growth mindset is the belief that success is the result of practice, effort and hard work. Dweck’s research has been to examine how to best promote the latter since that is what produces more confident and enthusiastic leaners.

In a now well-known study in which Dweck and her team examined the effects of praise, they gave fifth graders a set of puzzles to solve. Initially, they gave the children a set of easier puzzles to do. When these nine and 10 year olds successfully solved them, they were praised for either their intelligence or the effort they made.

Next, the children were given a much harder set of puzzles to solve, the idea being to observe how the type of praise they received affected their confidence. Either they stopped liking the puzzles because they didn’t think they were any good at doing them, or they persisted despite experiencing difficulty, thinking they just needed to try harder.

The researchers also asked the children what puzzles they wanted to work on some more, the easier ones or ones that were even more difficult.

Interestingly, Dweck and her colleagues found – and the results have been replicated in subsequent studies – that the kids who’d been praised for their intelligence preferred to revisit the easier puzzles. They also believed that the fact they’d struggled with the harder ones meant they weren’t smart or competent at the task, all signs of a fixed mindset. “A very discouraging conclusion,” says Dweck.

Conversely, those students praised for their effort showed a growth mindset in that they wanted to work on harder puzzles they could learn from. That is, they felt smart just by really applying themselves to a challenging task and making even incremental progress.

Dweck concludes from this, “that kids and adults are exquisitely sensitive to what’s going on in a situation, what other people value, what they’re being judged on.

“What is that voice in their head saying? Fixed mindset things like ‘oh, you better not make a mistake, you better look smart, people are judging you’, or growth mindset things like, ‘here’s an opportunity, here’s a mistake I can learn from, I feel smart when I do something difficult’.”

I know which one I’d prefer hearing.